Have we forgotten the importance of social etiquette?
Imagine settling into a plush bus seat on your way home from work, off your feet for the first time in nine hours. You stare, contemplative, out the fogged-up bus window, dreaming of the comfort of your waiting bed. Suddenly, your reverie is shattered by the tinny chattering of a phone three rows ahead of you. The phone in question is, of course, held at arm’s length (and at a height) so that the people on the other side of the call have a full visual of you in your work uniform. You make eye contact with yourself in the top right corner of the phone screen. Delightful.
As a user of public transport who also works with the public, it has been interesting to witness the shift in social behaviour in real time. There are those who pin the blame on Gen Alpha, but in my experience, the vast majority of offenders have actually been in their 20s or older. I’m not sure if I’ve missed some sort of mass psychosis; surely all of us from Gen Z upwards have been taught the basics of social etiquette. Even the most basic courtesies like holding the door for someone, giving up your seat on the bus, and even saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are slowly dwindling.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to suggest that a significant reason for this shift is due to the influence of social media. I read a post the other week in which a girl detailed the treatment she suffered at a friend’s birthday party. This girl was a content creator and took offence when her friend (the birthday girl) asked if she would refrain from using the ring light she had brought with her to take photos of herself in the club. This story raised many questions. The big question: why is her birthday about you? Why treat your friend’s birthday party as an opportunity for content creation? Needless to say, her update divulged that she and said friend have not spoken since.
The ring light epidemic looks to be spreading. Once a tool for lighting, in recent years they have escaped the confines of photography studios and YouTubers’ bedrooms and increasingly made their way into the outside world. This phenomenon usually involves someone using the back camera of their phone to film themself with the flash on; quite disruptive to those around them.
Just the other day I came across two separate events that were disrupted by the use of ring lights. One of these incidents involved a fan at an Ariana Grande concert filming herself singing along to the music. For this girl, the phone flashlight was not enough; a “selfie light” beamed intense white light onto her face and the faces of all five rows behind her.
At a recent US open tennis match between Naomi Osaka and Anastasia Zakharova, people were so disruptive that the umpire had to get involved. A group of influencers were the cause of disturbance for both players and spectators. Invited as guests to watch the match, instead they turned it into their personal content creation session; loudly filming videos in the middle of the game and using a ring light so bright that it could be seen from the other side of the stadium. The umpire was forced to stop play and instruct them to sit down and be quiet.
However, the recent lack of manners cannot solely be blamed on influencer culture. Even members of the general public who might not necessarily spend much time in the online world are breaking simple, basic rules of social etiquette. The recent phenomenon of people playing music or videos out loud in public epitomises this. Surely, it’s common sense that, if you have failed to bring headphones out of the house with you, watch your TikToks or reels on silent (or don’t watch them at all). Most short-form video content these days is captioned, turn the sound off!
Lack of etiquette is also becoming apparent within friend groups. It has become normal to cancel last minute, ignore texts, and be persistently late to social events. Some people reframe these behaviours as “protecting their peace” but somehow get annoyed when the same is done to them. Yes, people have busy lives, and not everyone has enough time or money to dedicate to their social life. However, friendship and connection come with basic rules and manners: if you RSVP, show up. Don’t be late. Don’t cancel at the last minute. Bring a gift to a party. Answer that text. Reply to that email. Allocate a little of your time and energy to your friends and loved ones. They’ll thank you for it and respond in kind.
I suppose the ultimate takeaway is simply to think of others around you: people in public, your friends, your family, your colleagues. Have manners, and don’t make a show of yourself. Be conscious of your surroundings, think before you speak, and try to avoid behaviours that may inconvenience others. In the words of Tati Westbrook: “–like, oh my god, time and place!”
Written by: Kate O’Connor Shivnan
Edited by: Freddie Kagino
