Still in love with your ex?
Getting over someone you once gave your heart and time to is difficult. Sometimes, years go by before you feel ready to experience that kind of love with someone new. And even when you have gotten over someone, running into them can have you realising that a small piece of you still cares for them in some way.
This realisation has often led me to question whether you can truly ever move on from someone, and if that's even something I should expect from myself. When a relationship ends, whether it's something serious and committed or an undefined situationship, there’s no denying the strange emotions that follow afterwards. I've watched friends of mine finally end unhealthy romances and leave partners they were unhappy with, only to still experience some degree of heartbreak. I have even felt a strange form of heartbreak when one or two dates didn’t progress into a romantic relationship. It should be clear then that no label or length of time can determine how much hurt you will feel when a relationship ends.
In cases when the person you want to move on from was never officially yours, it can feel as if you aren’t allowed to be heartbroken or disappointed. Blurry connections bring blurry emotions, and it can be hard for those outside the situation to understand that ending even the most casual of relationships can feel like becoming exes. As for the times when an official relationship comes to an end, your position in the breakup can greatly influence your experience of moving on from someone. Who ended things? How long were you together for? Why did things come to an end? Were you ready to leave this connection? All of this and more can make it easier or harder for you to move on.
When I say 'moving on', I'm not entirely sure what that means. Moving on from someone or getting over an ex is incredibly subjective and unique to each person. Yet we have all felt heartbreak, this strange form of grief, in some capacity. Each of us navigates and experiences loss in our own unique way. What you have lost changes things, too. You can’t forget or erase those you have loved before, so I think moving on is just learning how to live with that loss, and to let what has ended become a part of your story. We shouldn’t expect our feelings for someone to completely disappear, even if we are better off without them. Instead, maybe we should just let these feelings become smaller and allow detachment to happen.
So, how do you know when you have moved on? And how do you know when you are ready to try again? This answer will be as unique to you as your moving-on period, but generally speaking, your desire to date and love again will outweigh your fear of trying again or your reminiscing about past relationships. You will never truly know until you try, so just give it a go. Enjoy being single, be honest with yourself and whoever comes into your life, and do your best to keep an open heart.
Written by Leona VC
