“Everybody wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager.” How does this contemporary paradox sound? And can you hear the ‘solution’ ?
This is what a paradox may sound like:
“Ah we’ve a doorbell now that jingles loudly when anyone grazes the edge of our driveway. It shoots a video-cube of them out onto the television and with the application, we can talk through the doorbell and tell the person (or cat) to go away before they’ve even ding-donged the bell. It’s good tech, right?
It’s very useful for security.”
“On my phone, my list of contacts conveniently reminds me who I am friends with. My following online re-iterates my community, my convenient world. Thus, walking the city or suburban streets, I don’t nod nor say hello to strangers. Why would I? I’m secure with my curated circle and they must be with theirs. We’re all complete."
“Sure I have loads of friends but I do like to put myself first. I’m in a gigantic group-chat and when my friend’s auntie died the other day, enough people had replied that they’d support them at the funeral that I (along with other members) no longer felt the need to: so, that evening I sprawled out on the barcalounger and after finishing a delivered burger, felt alone and guilty for some reason and so asked an AI bot to me give anxiety advice and answer my questions till I fell asleep. A few weeks later, my auntie died, and after a few friends replied, nobody else did.”
“I’d love to be part of a real village! Ah, to keep all our blinds open like they do in Amsterdam and even place our favorite books on the windowsills (but the blinds will be closed in the evenings for TV…and of course in the day too if the dog gets too barky.)”
“I wish we all did things together as a neighbourhood (sorry for last minute text but can’t make it!) I wish all the kids would play together on the street (I want you to have a phone to be safe. What are you doing on the phone inside instead of playing outside!) I wish we all did little things for one another: minded the cat, the kids, brought over food if anyone was sick and cultivated new third spaces together in our village (but once again, sorry for being last minute, I can’t make it)!”
“I’d love for people to just pop in and say hello…as long as we can keep boundaries that suit me and they only visit when it doesn’t infringe on my strict online routine and… when I’ve the emotional energy to see people.
I’m not self improving when sipping tea with neighbours, that’s for sure ha-ha”
“For some reason, I feel like I shouldn’t visit any of the new neighbours; or even anybody these days; like people don’t have the time to be interrupted by people, y’know.”
Okay, let's turn down the volume of these flawed villagers for a moment, shall we. It’s loud, this topic. There are innumerable reals, tiktoks and substack articles written about it. It is a longing for belonging, often staying lodged in the airy ideals of conversation, convention and thought but not into real, grounded steps and sacrifices. The solution is simple on paper: it is a two sided coin to build community. If you want neighbours to knock on your door, you have to knock on theirs and be willing to accept that sometimes for either, the knock won't be your ideal time. If you want to build long lasting relationships, you have to give the work, time and respect to each human you encounter. If you want everyone to be open and belong together, you have to stop assuming a friend group is enough to stifle loneliness. If the third spaces in your area are declining, fight together to fortify new ones. Community is not a commodity and convenience is its enemy and you can’t treat it capitalistically: a village is built on sitting down with others in a third space and watching the sun rise or set as you discuss the comings and goings. It is also built on being there, standing up and helping and working collectively even when it has no benefit for you…because the truth is, it will; the real benefit just comes a little later.
So how does the solution sound? Simple, repetitive, unappealing, very appealing, boring and ethically symmetrical? Well, welcome to the ‘village!’ Now go ahead and be one. It’s really not so scary, put out some crisps and tea and people will congregate; the mumbling slow sound concludes.
Written by Ben Lynch (@ben_lynch__)
Edited by Niall Carey
