Hitting it off with yourself: The truest love.

If there’s one person you have to make sure to hit it off with, it is the one person you are destined to spend the rest of your life with - yourself. This however is not only an extremely misunderstood concept but also is oftentimes feared or intentionally avoided. But if we have endless amounts of options to distract us from spending time with ourselves, then why would we make the time?

The trigger word for this concept is without a doubt the assumption of the word ‘alone’, where people jump to the conclusion of ‘lonely’. But is it really lonely to spend time with yourself or are we being too hard on ourselves?

For a lot of us, since we are interacting with ourselves internally we often overlook the external aspect of ourselves. Such as how our friends and families view us and choose to spend time with us in various ways. Even our families who know us in the most vulnerable ways, still maintain unconditional love. They’ve interacted with us when we’ve been angry, sad, happy, tired, etc. And we are rightfully shameless in how they perceive us in those states. But some believe that family members are ‘obligated’ to spend time with us and therefore this quality time doesn’t count - so let’s talk about non familial relationships. 

There’s the second tier of intimacy, which are friendships. These are people you may not interact with, with as much shamelessness, but there is a comfort you find in them and also provide in return. These friendships are key to exploring who you identify as, along with helping them do the same. The key difference between friendships and families is the ‘image’ they hold of you. Where families who have known you your entire life may be inclined to always view you as a bratty teenager, your friends allow you to grow into yourself as they are growing themselves. 

But how do we choose these friendships and how do these friendships choose us? As shallow as it sounds, In Suzzanne Degges-White Ph.D states “research tends to show that we pretty much choose friends who we would rank at about the same level of attractiveness that we rank ourselves—the same way we tend to choose long-term romantic partners who are similar to us in their level of attractiveness”. So the reality is that we tend to willingly spend time with people that are appealing to our eyes, and we have a desire to get to know them in a deeper way. 

So in spending time in front of the mirror, looking at ourselves and acknowledging beauty and depth is crucial to our relationship with ourselves. So the name stands true to the concept, it is about self-love just as you would feel towards another person. Because without the feelings of love, would any friendship or romantic relationship last? No, it has no foundation and without a foundation there is no romantic story to tell. So if there is no self-love, how could someone exist entirely? There would be no depth to one’s identity and in turn no unique quirks - the very things that we find lovable in our relationships.

So with the proof that we have friendship and families that love us, there is proof that there is some level of self-love. We are brave enough to show our friends and families, we just have to be brave enough to look in the mirror and look at ourselves, in the same way we would look at someone we love. 

So how does one hangout with themselves and not be bored? The best secret to enjoying the time you spend with yourself, is that you can do all the things that you couldn’t convince others to do with you! Have you always wanted to start knitting but none of your friends wanted to join you? Just start by yourself. Look up creative patterns and build something exactly tailored to you! It is such a connecting form of self love. Where you take the time to pick out colours that make you happy, and construct anything you like bit by bit, - a blanket, hat, gloves, stuffed animal. 

Once you’ve spent a cosy and intimate morning inside, you’ll want to get some fresh air and go out. Take a walk without any headphones and listen to the world around you. Really connecting with your existence in the world. Oftentimes, walks with loud music completely block out the world around you. This is a great way to learn to be in society but not consumed by it. To walk around other people, and feel your individuality amongst them. As we can not stay in our house forever and want to be a part of the world around us, it is important to walk with yourself and feel your presence take up space in the world. 

What should you think about on this walk? It is a great time to sit with your thoughts and think creatively about what has been taking up space in your mind. Think about the plot to a short story you could write, Think about your style and what it represents, think about what meals you’ve been wanting to make. Anything that comes to mind that might bring about any emotions bottled up inside. Think of it as walking through a museum of your mind - and you’ll leave feeling inspired to create something. 

So while on this walk, you can stop by the grocery store and pick up the ingredients to make your favourite baked goods. One that reminds you of what your mother would bake for you, fueling that guiltfree inner child we don’t let out enough. And once those baked goods are in the oven, pull out an empty journal and start writing all your thoughts from the walk - signing it with love to yourself. 

Written by: Sophia Arceo @sophiearceo

Edited by: Alex Kelleher @alex_kelleher_