Love and relationships – polyamory
What is love? Whether it be fashion, lifestyle or love, nothing is ever set in stone in today’s world. It is almost impossible to define the word love because it comes in so many different forms and most of us (if we are lucky) will experience it in many different ways in our lifetime. The way a mother loves her children, the way a child loves their best friend, and the way we love our romantic partners, all of these things are different, but they are all expressions of love.
The ever-changing modern world is constantly evolving and redefining boundaries. This considered, it’s not very shocking that in today’s society more people are exploring unconventional romantic relationship structures, one of them being ‘polyamory’. The term polyamory, a combination of the Greek word ‘poly’, meaning many, and the Latin word ‘amor’, meaning ‘love’, literally translates to “many loves”. The relationship style involves being in multiple romantic relationships at the same time, and for those of us that are more traditional lovers, the concept of this may seem bizarre.
When I talked with friends about what it means to be in love, most of them described a feeling of just fitting with someone, like a puzzle piece. They all talked about the feelings of comfort and peace that comes from being with someone that you feel fully understood and seen by, and know you can trust. To a lot of people, a compatible partner is someone that you not only love romantically, but someone who can also be a friend. A lot of the time, we are all looking to feel a sense of belonging when it comes to love.
I agree that when it comes to romantic relationships, being with the right person can be deeply fulfilling and satisfying and provide this sense of belonging, but the thing is, a healthy relationship like this requires dedication, effort and a lot of communication.
In my experience, the ‘work’ that it takes to maintain a relationship like this comes almost as an instinct when you’re with the right person, in both romantic and platonic connections. We also need to be in a place in our lives that we are capable of giving and receiving honest, communicative love to have a healthy relationship like this. Something I have noticed lately is there are a lot of relationship ‘gurus’ on social media preaching emotional detachment, an ‘I don’t owe anyone anything mentality’, and very black and white gender ideas like ‘all men do this’ and ‘all women do that’. This mindset is bound to leave you feeling closed off and unable to maintain committed relationships because the truth is, if you want to experience healthy relationships, both parties do owe each other something. They owe each other respect, communication, trust and honesty.
So many young people today experience trust or commitment issues, and social media can sometimes promote an ‘everyone for themselves’ attitude towards life and love, this did cross my as a possible reason for people’s increasing interest in open relationships and polyamory. These relationships can be perceived as connections with the illusion of commitment, while still allowing the emotional distance and freedom of single life. On the other hand, they could also provide the opportunity to respectfully explore multiple connections without feeling rushed to make monogamous commitments that some people might not be ready for or feel comfortable with. Romantic or not, every healthy relationship requires commitment and emotional availability, including both monogamous and polyamorous connections.
Would adding more people into the mix ease the demands of being in a committed relationship, or just multiply them? Polyamorous relationships often require even more communication and openness when it comes to keeping all partners comfortable and satisfied, and that is not generally something an emotionally unavailable person would be comfortable with.
Love looks different to everyone. There is no correct way to be in a loving relationship and healthy connections are born from communication, trust and honesty. There is a big difference between consenting adults exploring a relationship structure that feels right to them, and being disloyal or misleading your romantic partners. Polyamory will work for some and make others miserable. As humans our emotions are complex and deeply personal and therefore the only way you could be in love the ‘wrong’ way, would be by being in a relationship that doesn’t work for you. When it comes to love, as long as you are operating from a place of genuine care, and being honest with both yourself and your partner, you cannot go wrong.
So, whether you think polyamory is really love, or freedom, or neither of those things, the only relationships that you need to feel are valid, are yours.
