The Group Chat Shift: The move from public feeds to small, closed circles.
The thing about feeds and timelines now is that they’re pristine, cookie cutter, curated to the gods. We’ve reached a point where planning your photo dump has become a skill… an actual skill, that you master, through telling a story with pictures. And there’s a formula. A very clear, very unserious formula that we all pretend doesn’t exist but absolutely follow. It HAS to have a close‑up of food, something you did, some type of nature or animal, a drink, a selfie, and of course a wide shot either of your outfit or scenery. I kid you not, the amount of videos on Tiktok on how to get the perfect photo dump is actually hilarious. A feature that was created to share multiple pictures now has a recipe people wanna follow to further curate their perfect life.
It's funny cause the way people complain about how the older generation uses Facebook, posting everything and anything without a care in the world, is exactly how social media used to be used. Instagram was no different. In the early days of Instagram, we posted whatever we wanted. We would open the app, take a picture ON THE APP, add an over saturated filter and post it straight from there. I know, crazy right? Just posting whatever was in front of you.
But when you get a whole generation to start caring too much about whether the 13th photo they took of their pasta last night is worth posting, or if the other angle is better, at some point the performance needs a side show. A place where you can do whatever without thought, post whatever, say what you truly feel, and have little inside jokes that no one but your close friends, your finsta, or your private group chats know. Because let’s be real: when influencing started, feeds and aesthetics mattered to them and only them. But now it seems like the majority of people highly curate what they post.
As a genuine curator, I enjoy things looking nice and telling a story. I like when people go on my Instagram and can see bits of myself, who I am and what I’m about. I do keep my social media as transparent and real to who I am as possible, but there are parts of me that I think not everyone should have access to. And don’t get me wrong, I am that type of person who will rant on their story and speak my mind, repost funny memes or videos, but my true self is seen by those who actually know me and who I let see those parts of me. Not because I want to keep them hidden, but because I personally feel like you can’t be 100% yourself on social media. Some parts should stay personal. And I don’t think every stranger that follows me needs to know my quirks, pictures of my baby, screenshots of our group chat, or a personal story that I just need to speak to my girl in the group chat about.
And that’s the thing: group chats differ from Close Friends stories and finstas. And don’t get me started on which platform the group chat is in, because that matters too. My Close Friends is used as what it’s meant to be, a private story to a selected few where I share parts of my life, my thoughts, and my day to day that isn’t for everyone else to see. It’s to keep my friends and people I don’t really get to see often updated on what’s going on in my personal life. Now my finsta is where I post the funny little non‑aesthetic pictures and videos that are just for us, my friends, usually the ones in the pictures themselves, with a silly thought added to it. I simply see it as memories being documented and shared with my loved ones.
But a group chat? A group chat is very different.
Firstly, let’s tackle WhatsApp and iMessage group chats. This is where everything is being discussed. We wanna hang out? Group chat. We have a silly question? Group chat. You’re going on a hinge date for the first time and need to know what to wear? Group chat. Debriefing after said date? Group chat. And memes and gifs. Lots of memes and gifs. Our sticker collection is actually insane. Not only the funny "everyone knows these memes" kind of stickers, we have stickers we made of each other doing the funniest things. Overall, it’s a place to keep in touch and be yourself in a safe space.
TikTok group chats differ in the sense that it’s just a dump for anything we see that we think is funny and would think others will too. It’s like when you watch a TikTok alone in your dark room and you look to the left of you and laugh to yourself, remember there is no one there, so you’re like, “Lemme send this to my friend". We have a general TikTok group chat, but we also have designated ones, like one where we send over thirst traps and edit videos called “ovulation dump”. I feel like the name is self explanatory.
I think the reason behind all of this, the retreat from the public feed into these small, closed circles, is that we weren’t ever meant to share every single aspect of our lives with anyone who has access to our social media. We have parasocial relationships and know a bit too much about each other to the point where you'll see that person in real life and not know whether to ask how decorating their new apartment is going, since you guys have technically never met in person. Some people feel like that entitles them to have an opinion on you, your choices, and your life, and some people just don’t want that. I for one allow others to see what I want them to. Further than that, they know nothing about me.
The public feed has become a stage. A performance. A place where you show the version of yourself that has its life together, even if you cried in the bathroom twenty minutes before taking that “effortless” mirror selfie. And the algorithm doesn’t help. Posting has become a job. Even regular people feel the pressure of engagement, reach, and “is this going to flop?” It’s exhausting. It’s performative. And it’s not fun anymore.
Group chats don’t care about engagement. They care about chaos. They care about intimacy. They care about realness. They care about the version of you that doesn’t need to be aesthetically pleasing or brand‑safe. They care about the version of you that laughs too loud in your voice notes, sends ugly selfies, rants about your day, and asks your friends if your hinge date is secretly a red flag.
Private spaces create micro‑communities. Inside jokes. Shared references. Little worlds that outsiders can’t access. It’s beautiful, but it also means culture is becoming more fragmented. The internet used to feel like one big town square. Now it feels like a maze in the backrooms.
And maybe that’s okay. Maybe the internet was never meant to be one big stage. Maybe it was always meant to be a collection of small rooms, group chats, and pockets of connection. Maybe we’re not losing the internet, we’re just reclaiming it, making it social again, at least in private.
Written By: Valerin Vanegas
Edited By: Rose Curnyn
